Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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