youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
