Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Floor bacon is actually really good
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
