the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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