he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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