dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
