i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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