that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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