he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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