32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
