He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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