Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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