do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
