You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
