I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
More tranny stories later!
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Randomize
