I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
