why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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