I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
