ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
