apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
