FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
