Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i out mim tonsoeep
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