They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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