woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize