Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
