We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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