Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
