Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize