Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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