I'm going to jail i love you
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
