If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
