you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
God, I missed his penis.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
