you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
