Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
