I didn't shave. On purpose
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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