shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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