Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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