Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
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