im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
