Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize