Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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