did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
4 words: hood of his car
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
