I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
