did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
