She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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