He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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