I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
