I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
