You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
