a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
