So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
