but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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