so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
