The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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