I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I think my vagina is haunted
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
