you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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