i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
