You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
