I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It was confusing and full of hummus
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
