roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
