What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
