My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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