Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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