I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
