Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
