Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
