i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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