It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize