just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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