My nipple is on Facebook.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
