All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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