So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
