My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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