I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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