is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
