2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
