While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
